Couple Days In...

I still feel fat. However, I've been keeping up with the eating good. Last night when I got home I decided to make myself a grilled cheese. Now before you roll your eyes and say, "I thought she JUST said she was eating good"...slow your role. The bread was whole wheat. I used this stuff called Smart balance (Light), which i'm still not sure exactly what it is. Some type of buttery spread. Looks like butter. Smells like butter. I couldn't really tell ya if it tastes like butter because I'm not inclined to eating butter out of the tub, but it did the trick with the grilled cheese, so it works for me. And I used weight watchers cheese. Now normally when I throw some cheese of the grilled sort on the George, I keep all the supplies out because I know I will be wanting to make another, and possibly another after that. So as soon as I buttered up my brown bread, yum (sarcasm) and took the cheese out of the package, I packed everything up and put it all away. For a lazy ass like myself, not having easy access to the supplies is reason enough for me to not make another. And I actually didn't! And I suppose I was semi-satisfied with only having one.

Tonight, sad to say, I actually called my parents to tell them what I had made myself for dinner because I was so proud. I feel like such a Suzy home-maker when I cook. Doesn't even matter what it is. If I apply heat to an edible substance I feel like I'm the next Emeril. I made myself a grilled chicken breast (on Georgie boy of course) and broccoli. Although I put way too much water in with the broccoli and I literally had to shake the water out of it before putting it on my plate, I'd say it came out decent! I use paper plates for no reason other than that I don't want to actually have to LOAD my dishwasher, God forbid. So once I finished my meal, I realized that the ghetto crap plate had completely dissolved on the bottom because of all the water from the broccoli. So I basically ate a meal straight off my counter top. Awesome. Couldn't tell you the last time I cleaned it.

I have lost 2 pounds so far. I suppose that's pretty good for only 3 days. I'm a results girl though, and that's always been my problem. If I can't drop 20 pounds in a week and I don't have ripped abs by day three then I usually give up because what I'm doing OBVIOUSLY isn't working. So here's to being patient and changing to a healthier life style! Not gonna try to pretend I didn't day dream about alfredo sauce today though. Wish me luck for the weekend! Lots of drinking ahead of me. Guess maybe I should start working out (aka moving) to try to balance some of this out!

I'm Calling Myself Out!

My name is Jen, and I'm overweight. One would not look at me and think, "Wow, that chick is a heffer." but by doctors standards, I'm overweight for my height.

I'm 25 years old and have been concerned with my weight most of my life (as most females are). Even as a size 3 high school kid I was always self-conscious. Looking back, I wish I could travel back into time and bitch slap myself in the face for EVER being self conscious about the way I looked. I've always been a picky eater, and my taste buds never really moved off the kids menu. Give me a grilled cheese sandwich with some french fries and I'm a happy girl. Growing up I was dubbed "The Dorito Queen" in my household. I'm not really feeling it necessary to explain or elaborate on that one, as it's relatively self explanatory. I've been known to take down an entire medium pizza in one sitting by myself. I used to cook an entire box of Velveeta mac and cheese and eat it all to myself. A favorite dish when going out to eat was called the "Snack Attack." Commonly ordered for a large group of people to snack on so everyone can eat something they like. I would order this as my meal. And eat the whole thing. All the while maintaining this svelt, size 3 physique.

I wouldn't say my metabolism came to a screeching halt, but i'd say it started to steadily run out of gas.  I continued to eat all the junk food crap that I'd been eating, any type of Little Debbie anything (if it was filled with sugar and fat and came in individual packaging I was all over it). Pizza, pasta, extra this, extra that, just like I'd always done. I started noticing the numbers on the scale creeping up ever so slightly. Not enough to cause concern, but regardless, I was putting on weight. My boyfriend at the time always thought I looked awesome, so I never really let it bother me that I was packin on the pounds. I just kept doing my thing, eating nothing but junk, and putting on more and more weight.  I started putting on a pound here and there about 5 years ago. Now here I sit, 5 years later, 30 pounds heavier. Bascally, my metabolism got fed up with my taking it for granted, packed up, and left me.

I'm writing this blog in an attempt to get healthy, lose weight, and actually stick with something. I always say I'm gonna lose weight, "Diet starts on Monday"..."After this weekend no more eating like crap"..."Maybe I'll just order pizza tonight and then start eating healthy tomorrow" IT ENDS NOW!!! I know it's possible to get back to the weight I used to be, I've just never been dedicated enough to make it happen. I don't care if people read this and think I'm gross, or fat, or have been lazy, or whatever else people might think when they read this. I'm going to say things on here that will embarrass me to have people know, but it's time to call myself out. I feel like that's the only way to actually make this happen.

It's time to say goodbye to you Dominos, with your delicious new crust that tastes like bread sticks, goodbye chicken, ziti, broccoli with extra alfredo sauce and melted cheese on top, goodbye mozzerella sticks, goodbye velveeta, good by chips, and last but not least, goodbye to you buffalo chicken dip. My ultimate weakness, the one thing I cannot ever turn down or say no to. Goodbye to all you foods that have made me feel like a fat, lazy, tired all the time, unattractive waste of life. It's time to start living.

My goal is to lose 30 pounds. Instead of giving myself an unrealistic deadline, I'm giving myself a year to do this. I want to take my time and do it right for once. Hopefully with the support of my friends and family I'll actually be able to do this. Stay tuned...I'll be updating my progress so much it'll be annoying.